What a Cancer Diagnosis Teaches Us About Life
To see a picture of my family on social media, we looked almost perfect. Two beautiful little girls, an athletic, handsome husband, the quintessential golden retriever puppy, and me. Social media is this century’s biggest PR machine. But social media often doesn’t tell the story behind the photo.
My family is amazing, but we have been broken time and time again. Not only do I continue to recover from a brain injury that occurred 12 years ago, but my husband, Jeff, was diagnosed in September 2017 with esophageal cancer. This is the kind of diagnosis that takes your breath away: a diagnosis that led me to cry openly while walking down the street, because the pain and fear inside was so intense that it was wild and uncontrollable.
By the time his cancer was detected, he had a six-centimeter tumor that had spread to his stomach and surrounding lymph nodes. If you were to search online for his prognosis, you would understand why we were so terrified.
Every time we looked at the girls, our hearts broke for them. They were 6 and 8 years old. They knew their Daddy had cancer, but we have kept the outlook very positive for them. But 6 months after Jeff's chemotherapy/radiation treatments, with a massive 7-hour surgery that removed most of his esophagus, stomach, and 50 lymph nodes, we learned the cancer had come back (or maybe never really left), and Jeff was told he had months left to live.
So, how did we cope? First of all, there were a lot of days we were hanging by a thread, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was so thankful for all of our amazing supporters, yet this was a journey that was going to change our day-to-day lives so profoundly.
To stay strong, we needed to dig deeper into mindfulness. We had to stay here, in this moment, to be focused and make the best decisions as well as to not let future fears take hold.
Jeff continued to live for one more year after his terminal cancer diagnosis. He died on August 7 of 2019 in my arms while I told him, "I love you. I am so proud of you, and you can rest, my love."
This journey shines a light on the preciousness of life and making every moment count. We really don’t have time to be complacent in our work and in our lives. My husband's cancer at the age of 44 can serve as a reminder to all of us that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Jeff didn't drink or smoke. He ate healthy and exercised. He was smart. He had a Master of Accounting degree and a CA designation. And he had never once missed a day of school from kindergarten through to his Master's degree, AND THEN also never missed a day in his work career due to sickness until this cancer hit.
Next time you are on social media and see a photo of someone having the time of their lives on the beach or getting that great promotion, remember there is always a story behind the picture. Every person faces struggles.
At some time or another, we all doubt ourselves, hit rock bottom, and feel lost. We are all people going through this journey of life. There will be ups, and there will be downs. That is how life is designed to be. That is the beauty of life and the mystery of it. Be grateful for who you are, the work you do, the family and friends that you have, and be kind to yourself -- don't fall for the trap of comparing yourself to others around you.
Because at the end of the day, we are all people, just trying to survive
